I am now at the ripe age of 40, entering a new decade and have not been very welcoming or embracing of this new age, this new change.
I know it's just a number, but it's more than that.
Part of this feeling may have something to do with me being a woman who feels her biological clock is still ticking with the desire to potentially have another child, and whether to try to conceive or adopt one more. It's a conversation Daniel and I have had several times, and one we are still discussing. There are a number of extraneous variables that have put this desire to expand our family on hold.
I will say this, and do recognize, that the more energy I put into not liking my new age the less time I am spending on embracing it, enjoying it and continuing to live it up without feeling down about getting older.
There is so much that I have to be thankful for in my life.
I have a great deal to be happy about, and not just this year, this birthday. I am really, really fortunate to have met my husband, my best friend and life-long laughing partner. Together, we have also created the most amazing, funny, hilarious, exhausting and lovable child. We are also in the process of buying a home to settle down and establish roots. I am very fortunate to have wonderful, loving and supportive friends and family. And, I am also in good health, at least for the most part.
I am pretty sure that I might not be feeling this way, or as strongly, if I didn't gain too much weight this past year likely due to stress and changes in about every aspect of my life including a quick move to a new city, finding and changing schools for Sarah, finding and renting a place to live in, and overall, adjusting to new schedules and way of life (driving versus walking) living in the suburbs.
I have no good excuse why exercise has fallen off my radar. I know that I have it in me to lose the weight and have done it before and felt fabulous. By taking action to control my diet and add in regular exercise I can become fabulous and forty. That, I like. That I would like to strive for. FABULOUS AND FORTY.
I can choose to stay stuck in a rut complaining about my age or I can accept that clearly I cannot change that but instead to move one foot in front of the other to get more healthy, so vitality is not a question, and continue to live life fully.
So, today I declare that I am 40. I am happy to have the life I have with the people in it, my friends and family, who make it incredibly special, and who matter most.
I am going to put my energy into appreciating life that much more without the thought of my age but instead on the accomplishments and experiences I have been fortunate to have to date. Instead, I aim to look ahead to all the wonderful opportunities and experiences that are my future and establish a new plan of action with great emphasis on the life I have now and what I want it to be.
My birthday present to myself, in addition to the Ricky Martin concert I treated myself to this year, is to take charge, start fresh and move forward with passion, energy and enthusiasm make the most out of the life G-d gave me and do the most with it with great impact.